Apparently I don’t put forth any effort. I don’t work hard enough, pssh who cares if I do full time school and part time job, thats just not good enough.
I should be actively pursuing things pertaining to my career and looking for another job that pays more money.
You always make new friends where ever you go so don’t stay somewhere because of people.
In her mind who gives a fuck they can just be replaced. Who cares if your happy there your not doing what I want you to do, spending your time how I want you to spend it. Pursuing what I want you to pursue.
A person with your intelligence and your capabilities shouldn’t be just working at dairy queen and going to community college she says.
Well for starters why pay for a four year when for the first two years the classes are the same, I did that for them not for me, I did it to save HER money. So dont ridicule me over something I did for you! And second, sure I could get a better job, but you know sometimes happiness is important and if Im happy where I am then why the fuck should I change that, oh thats right, because you said so.
I dont show initiative huh, yeah all those 15 writing projects I have is no initiative, all those classes nope thats not initiative, going everywhere with a sketch book ppssh inititiave whats that. Working during the only free time I have thats not initiative at all.
So basically what it comes down to is I have a social life and I genuinely value people and because my parents have neither then clearly Im doing something wrong. Im wasting my abilities, Im holding myself back. She just wants me to burry myself in work 24/7 and not have a life outside of pursuing a higher paying job. She thinks that just because I have friends Im going to waste away and never achieve anything in life.
So you don’t believe in me, you think Im making bad decisions, you think Im wasting my time by caring about people, I GET IT. Now leave me alone. Please…
Im so mad right now.
OH and another thing, oof course they (my parents) don’t see me passionate about anything, because they either 1. ridicule me for it 2. show zero interest and make it obvious that they couldn’t care less about what I’m taking about 3. Push to make me do all this stuff I don’t want to do in order to “make money” because nothing can just be a passion, just be something that makes you happy, it always has to be a job, a chore, an obligation.
Maybe I stopped doing photography for such a long time because you wouldn’t shut up about me selling it, or getting “hired” to do something, or signing me up to work without my permission and then forcing me to do something I had no interest in because its technically photography. I got so tired of the stress, of the demands, of the pressure. I want to live my own life, not theirs, why the hell is that so hard to understand.
Maybe not everything is about making money. Maybe blindly pursuing money and draining the life out of everything Im good at just to make a little dough isn’t how I want to live my life. Just maybe I enjoy not being bound to the materialistic aspect of money that tries to destroy the good in things. Just maybe.